Inspired by the book Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
Feedback can be a powerful tool for growth—or a major source of frustration. Whether it comes from a manager, a colleague, a partner, or a friend, feedback often stirs up strong emotions and challenges our self-perception. The good news? With the right mindset and tools, we can transform feedback into a valuable opportunity for learning and connection.
This checklist, inspired by Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, helps you approach feedback with curiosity and resilience. It offers practical steps for preparing to receive feedback, reflecting afterward, and following up with action. You’ll also learn how to identify your feedback patterns and use that knowledge for long-term growth.
Checklist 1: Preparing to Receive Feedback
✅ Clarify the Type of Feedback You’re Expecting
- Is it evaluation (measuring performance), coaching (offering advice for improvement), or appreciation (recognizing effort)?
- Am I clear about what kind of feedback I need right now?
✅ Identify Your Feedback Triggers
- Truth Trigger: Do I tend to reject feedback that feels inaccurate or unfair?
- Relationship Trigger: Do I have strong reactions based on who is giving the feedback?
- Identity Trigger: Does feedback make me question my self-worth or competence?
✅ Shift to a Growth Mindset
- Am I prepared to listen with curiosity instead of defensiveness?
- How will I handle my emotional triggers if they come up?
✅ Clarify Your Learning Goals
- What am I hoping to learn from this feedback?
- How can I guide the conversation to make it more useful?
Checklist 2: Reflecting After Receiving Feedback
✅ Check for Defensive Reactions
- Did I notice any immediate defensive thoughts or feelings?
- Was I able to manage those reactions and stay engaged?
✅ Separate the Message from the Messenger
- Did I evaluate the feedback itself instead of focusing on the person delivering it?
- Did I avoid dismissing useful feedback because of my relationship with the giver?
✅ Identify Useful Insights
- What part of the feedback was actionable and helpful?
- Even if I disagreed with parts of the feedback, was there something valuable I could take from it?
✅ Check for Patterns
- Have I received similar feedback from different people over time?
- Are there recurring themes in the feedback I’ve been given?
Pro tip: Keep a feedback journal to track patterns over time. You may notice areas where you consistently get stuck—or strengths that others consistently appreciate.
✅ Plan Next Steps
- What specific actions do I want to take based on this feedback?
- How will I track my progress on those actions?
Checklist 3: Following Up After Feedback
✅ Seek Clarification if Needed
- Do I fully understand the feedback I received?
- Have I asked follow-up questions to make sure I’m clear?
✅ Acknowledge the Feedback
- Did I thank the person for their time and insights?
- Did I let them know what I plan to do with their input?
✅ Take Action on the Feedback
- Have I identified specific changes I want to make?
- Am I tracking my progress in those areas?
✅ Ask for Follow-Up Feedback
- Have I invited the feedback giver to check in again to see if my changes are making a difference?
- Am I creating an ongoing dialogue around growth and learning?
✅ Reflect on Progress
- How has the feedback influenced my behavior or performance?
- What have I learned about my own feedback patterns through this process?
Checklist 4: Developing Long-Term Feedback Resilience
This final checklist is about recognizing your own patterns with feedback and using that knowledge to build long-term resilience and growth.
✅ Recognize Your Feedback Patterns
- What themes keep coming up in the feedback I receive?
- Are there any specific behaviors I’ve struggled to change over time?
- Do I tend to overreact to feedback in certain areas (e.g., identity-related issues)?
✅ Identify Triggers That Repeatedly Show Up
- Are there specific truth triggers that make me dismiss feedback too quickly?
- Do I react more strongly to certain relationship triggers (e.g., feedback from a boss vs. a peer)?
- How do my identity triggers show up when I receive feedback?
✅ Reflect on How You Handle Feedback Over Time
- Am I getting better at managing my emotional reactions to feedback?
- Have I seen improvements in areas where I’ve received feedback repeatedly?
- Where do I still struggle to accept or act on feedback?
✅ Reframe Feedback as a Learning Opportunity
- Am I able to view feedback—both positive and negative—as a chance to learn and grow?
- Do I seek feedback more often, or do I still tend to avoid it?
✅ Make Feedback-Seeking a Habit
- How can I make feedback-seeking a regular part of my routine?
- Who can I ask for ongoing feedback to support my growth?
✅ Celebrate Progress
- Have I acknowledged my own growth and improvements in the areas I’ve been working on?
- Do I take time to celebrate positive feedback and progress made?
Conclusion
The way we receive feedback shapes how much we grow. By recognizing your patterns and learning to manage your reactions, you can transform feedback from something you dread into a tool for lifelong learning.
Keep using this checklist to track your progress and build your feedback resilience over time. And if you’d like to dive deeper into how to make the most of feedback, I highly recommend reading Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. It’s packed with insights that will help you navigate the emotional and practical challenges of receiving feedback well.
