Use this checklist to evaluate how well you’re applying the principles of Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute in your daily interactions and leadership style. Reflect on your behaviors and attitudes to uncover patterns of self-deception and take steps to operate “out of the box.”
1. Recognizing Self-Deception
- Have I noticed any situations where I justified my actions to avoid responsibility?
- Did I blame others for problems or challenges instead of reflecting on my own contribution?
- Was I more focused on defending my position than understanding others’ perspectives?
- Have I avoided confronting uncomfortable truths about my behavior or impact?
2. Seeing Others as People
- Did I genuinely see my colleagues, team members, or family as individuals with their own needs, challenges, and goals?
- Did I empathize with others’ experiences, or did I view them primarily as obstacles or tools for achieving my own objectives?
- Have I been dismissive of others’ concerns or overly critical without offering support?
- Did I make an effort to understand others’ viewpoints before responding?
3. Acting “Out of the Box”
- Did I take responsibility for my role in any conflicts or misunderstandings?
- Have I initiated actions to repair or strengthen relationships where trust may have been damaged?
- Did I focus on collaborating with others to solve problems rather than assigning blame?
- Was I open to feedback, even when it challenged my beliefs about myself?
4. Building Accountability
- Did I hold myself accountable for the impact of my actions on others?
- Have I been transparent and honest in my communication, even when it was uncomfortable?
- Did I follow through on commitments and promises made to others?
- Have I invited accountability from others by modeling openness and humility?
5. Observing Outcomes
- Did my actions improve trust and collaboration within my team or relationships?
- Was I able to recognize and address patterns of behavior that created tension or conflict?
- Did I feel more connected to the people around me after practicing these principles?
- Have others responded positively to my efforts to change, or have I received constructive feedback?
Reflection Questions
- What specific situation in my life right now might I be viewing “in the box,” and how can I shift my perspective?
- How can I better recognize when I am justifying my behavior instead of taking responsibility?
- Who in my life or organization might need more empathy and understanding from me today?
By regularly reflecting on these questions and behaviors, you can uncover blind spots, break free from self-deception, and foster stronger relationships and leadership effectiveness.
If you haven’t read Leadership and Self-Deception yet, it’s a must-read for anyone looking to deepen their self-awareness and strengthen their relationships—at work or at home. The Arbinger Institute’s insights will help you uncover blind spots that may be holding you back and equip you with practical tools to lead with authenticity, empathy, and accountability. Pick up the book and discover how a simple shift in perspective can transform not just your leadership, but your entire approach to life.
