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Leadership today requires more than just technical competence—it calls for courage, self-differentiation, and emotional resilience. Inspired by A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman, this checklist highlights actionable steps to help you lead with clarity, confidence, and conviction. Use it to strengthen your leadership presence, navigate resistance, and create lasting impact by standing firm in your principles.
Checklist 1: Develop Self-Differentiation
Self-differentiation is the ability to remain true to your core values and beliefs while staying emotionally connected to others. This quality enables leaders to maintain their integrity without being swayed by external pressures.
- Did I clarify my core values and guiding principles today?
- Did I maintain emotional independence without distancing myself from others?
- Did I avoid compromising my principles to gain approval or avoid conflict?
- Did I express my authentic thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully?
Checklist 2: Resist the Pull of Anxiety
Anxiety spreads quickly within groups and can lead to reactive, short-term decision-making. Leaders who resist this emotional contagion help create a calm and focused environment.
- Did I stay calm and thoughtful in the face of heightened emotions or stress?
- Did I refrain from reacting immediately to anxious behaviors around me?
- Did I take a moment to reflect before responding to emotionally charged situations?
- Did I help others manage their anxiety by modeling emotional steadiness?
Checklist 3: Lead Through Presence
Leadership is not just about what you do but who you are. A non-anxious presence is the ability to stay calm, focused, and emotionally grounded, even when others around you are stressed or reactive. This presence helps create stability and inspires confidence in times of uncertainty.
- Did I exhibit a calm, non-anxious presence during key interactions?
- Did I inspire confidence by demonstrating clear and decisive leadership?
- Did I maintain composure in difficult or high-pressure situations?
- Did I consciously project empathy and authority in my communication?
Checklist 4: Embrace Discomfort
Avoiding discomfort can hinder growth and leave critical issues unresolved. Effective leaders face challenges and difficult conversations head-on, seeing them as opportunities to learn and improve.
- Did I approach a difficult situation with openness and courage today?
- Did I seek to uncover root causes rather than settling for surface-level solutions?
- Did I stay present and engaged during uncomfortable conversations?
- Did I encourage constructive dialogue, even when tensions were high?
Checklist 5: Avoid Over-Functioning
Over-functioning happens when leaders try to control too much, often stifling the growth of those around them. Empowering others involves trusting them to take ownership of tasks and responsibilities.
- Did I delegate responsibilities clearly and effectively?
- Did I resist the urge to step in and micromanage a task that someone else owns?
- Did I hold team members accountable without assuming their burdens?
- Did I offer support in ways that encouraged autonomy and growth?
Checklist 6: Maintain Vision and Purpose
In the face of daily pressures, it’s easy to lose sight of long-term goals. Leaders who stay aligned with their vision provide clarity and direction, inspiring their teams to persevere through challenges.
- Did I reflect on my broader vision and goals today?
- Did I communicate how short-term actions align with long-term objectives?
- Did I prioritize tasks based on their importance to the overall mission?
- Did I inspire others by reinforcing the purpose behind our work?
Checklist 7: Challenge the Status Quo
Stagnation can result when leaders fail to question established practices. Bold leaders embrace innovation by challenging assumptions and encouraging creative solutions.
- Did I challenge outdated norms that might be holding us back?
- Did I invite others to think creatively and share new ideas?
- Did I assess risks thoughtfully while remaining open to innovation?
- Did I take at least one action today that pushed us toward greater progress?
How to Use This Checklist
This checklist is a practical tool to integrate the principles of A Failure of Nerve into your leadership practice. Use it to prepare for leadership challenges, reflect on your interactions, and ensure that you remain grounded in your core values. With regular application, you can lead with greater resilience, inspire those around you, and navigate complex situations with clarity and purpose.
Why You Should Read A Failure of Nerve
Edwin H. Friedman’s A Failure of Nerve offers timeless insights into the emotional demands of leadership. By emphasizing the importance of self-differentiation, courage, and a calm presence, this book equips leaders to break free from reactive cycles and inspire meaningful change. If you’re seeking to strengthen your leadership capacity, this is essential reading.
