As human beings, we are all vulnerable to stress and fatigue in the workplace. It can be easy to fall into patterns of behavior that harm our relationships with colleagues and managers. Instead of lashing out or withdrawing, it’s important to adopt a calm and empathetic approach to communication.
Calm Engagement is Key to Managing Stress and Maintaining Work Relationships
When we’re feeling overwhelmed by demands and expectations, it’s easy to react with anger or avoidance. These “fight or flight” responses, however, can damage our relationships with our colleagues and managers.
To avoid this, it’s important to cultivate the skill of self-awareness and to express our feelings in a calm, empathetic manner. By focusing on our breathing and channeling our energy into staying present in the moment, we can avoid lashing out or withdrawing.
Actively listen to and understand the perspectives of others, even if you think you already know what they will say. Failure to approach with this level of curiosity is the source of large mistakes (Oops, I should not have accused you, because it turns out you were innocent), wasted time (Ah, because I acted on my assumptions instead of asking questions, I now have to scrap everything I’ve done and start over from the beginning), and workplace trauma (which can easily result when someone acts on their assumptions instead of asking questions or makes unfounded accusations).
Avoid the temptation to reassert authority
Many of us have worked hard to earn degrees, certifications, and titles, but it’s important to remember that status alone is not enough to create influence.
Instead of trying to assert our own authority and position, we should focus on being helpful and supportive in helping others meet their own needs. This will earn the respect and trust of our colleagues and managers.
Remind yourself of the experience and knowledge you’ve gained, and to use it to restore your own sense of safety without belittling others.
Focus on being helpful and supportive toward getting others’ needs met.
Set Boundaries to Avoid Burnout
Many of us who are dedicated to serving others in fields like medicine, politics, education, and religion often struggle to establish boundaries for self-care. This can lead to burnout and neglecting our own physical and emotional well-being.
Just recently I spoke with a client who has put in nearly 40 years in HR, and after the pandemic she is burned out and angry that nobody is recognizing everything she’s done to help keep the company together. When pushed, she acknowledged that there’s a lot she has not been doing for herself because she’s told herself the story that she doesn’t have time for self-care.
Instead of martyrdom, it’s important to establish positive practices for health, like exercise, sleep, eating, and leisure activities. Tune in to the inner voice of wisdom and to say “no” when necessary.
Lead with Vulnerability, Empathy, and Compassion
As leaders, it’s important to recognize and own our vulnerability as human beings. This allows us to connect with and understand the needs and perspectives of others.
By responding to fear and vulnerability with compassion and understanding, we can establish trust and respect with our colleagues and managers.
Remember that leadership is about genuine care and concern for others, but you must develop the skills to be aware of and express your own feelings without threatening others.
If that all sounds good to you but you can’t see how it could happen for you, send me a note. Maybe we could hop on the phone and talk for a few minutes and see what might help you the most. I have a few options up my sleeve — one of which is coaching, and there are others. If your heart is crying out to become this kind of leader, let me know. I would love to help you get there. And if you want to explore how coaching might be useful to you? Check out How It All Works.
Bottom line, when we are tired and overworked it can be easy to fall into patterns of behavior that hurt our work relationships. Instead of lashing out or withdrawing, it is important to aim for calm engagement. Expressing our feelings in a calm and empathetic way, focusing on the other person’s perspective, and being mindful of our own boundaries and self-care are all key to maintaining healthy work relationships. Additionally, using our authority or status in an effort to regain control can be ineffective and ultimately threaten the status of others. Instead, it is important to focus on being helpful and supportive towards getting others’ needs met. By making these changes and adopting new habits, we can improve our work relationships and feel more fulfilled in our professional lives.
