Business culture is big on reframing challenges as opportunities, and certainly we have the chance to do so every day as we encounter barriers between ourselves and the results we want to get. But actually feeling like the challenge is an opportunity isn’t so easy. Even more difficult? Turning disappointment into an opportunity or gift.
However, you need this skill. Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, says “Your highest performance comes from the brain that is calm, centered, focused, able to see possibilities and be creative.” He says we access this “brain” (mode of thinking) by converting our disappointments and crises into opportunities or gifts.
Develop This Skill: Reframing
Step one for actually seeing the gift or opportunity in a disappointing result or challenge is to reframe. Reframing is defined by the Psychology Dictionary as
- Developing a new conceptual or emotional outlook relating to situations experienced, and putting [the situations] into another frame which follows the facts or evidence equally well, changing its whole definition.
- Reconstruction of a subject’s experiential view to impart a more positive view of it.
- Method for changing self-defeating thought processes by consciously inserting more positive ones.
So you might consider how the situation looks from the perspective of someone else, perhaps someone who stands to benefit from what, to you, is a disappointing result. Then you would choose to believe that their benefit could be a worthy outcome, even if it isn’t one that benefits you.
Another approach to reframing is to place value on the learning you got from the experience. For instance, recently one of my clients said, “I tried to get the project team to build their solution around the measuring customer experience, but it didn’t work.” I worked with him to reword this as a hypothesis he might have had before his attempt: “If I raise my concerns about success measures in this particular way, it will spur conversation about how the product launch will be good for the company.” With this frame, he was able to see that he had approached the challenge in just one way, and yet there are other approaches that might yield different results, and he could experiment with those to see what might work more effectively.
This experimental, learning approach can help you shift your focus from the negative outcomes or barriers to the potential for growth and development, and even make it fun!
Develop This Skill: Execution
Reflection and awareness have their place, and of course as a coach I’m all about them! But we can’t stay there. The longer you go without taking action, the worse it feels.
Taking action might involve setting new goals that accept the reality you are in now and develop a plan that takes your barriers and challenges into account. Then you identify the steps you need to take first and actually do them.
A bias towards action helps to break the cycle of disappointment and move you towards more desirable outcomes.
In this, too, an experimental mindset is very useful, because it makes you hungry for feedback. When you take action, pay close attention to see how it worked, and get curious about what might work even more effectively. This helps you reframe mistakes as “research and development.”
Develop This Skill: Emotional Regulation
Awareness gives you choice, and awareness of your emotions is a first step to making the kinds of choices that help you have a different emotional experience. For instance, if you are aware of your emotional responses and how they affect what you perceive as disappointment, you’ll be better able to choose to reframe your thinking instead of defending an initial interpretation that emphasizes harm to you.
Fortunately, therapists, coaches, and mindfulness teachers offer many resources to help you work more effectively with your unpleasant thoughts and emotions and shift your focus. You can develop a practice of shifting your awareness to sensory perceptions in the present moment. This kind of practice will help you see and experience just how potent your thoughts are in triggering your emotions.
Sh*t Happens
In the end, it’s so helpful just to be able to accept that disappointment is a normal part of life. It can help to have a mantra to remind yourself of this, whether it’s the colloquial “Sh*t Happens” or an ancient saying like, “The rain falls on the just and the unjust.”
It’s not always easy to see the positive side of things, but with practice, it can become easier to find the opportunities within disappointment.
There’s some self-fulfilling prophecy at work when we accept that the disappointment happened and decide that success is still possible. My client who decided to experiment with different approaches to the project team is far more likely to succeed now that he believes that success is still possible—even if that success is defined by the learning he will acquire by testing different methods of approach. Instead of giving up, he will keep making attempts in different ways. That is far more likely to result in a successful outcome than if he threw up his hands in defeat.
Bottom Line
Interpreting disappointing results as an opportunity or gift is an important skill for professionals.
By reframing the situation, taking action, and maintaining a positive attitude, you can turn your disappointment into a learning experience and continue to move forward.
Coaching Can Help You Unlock Your Potential and Achieve Your Goals
Coaching has been shown to have powerful effects in helping people achieve greater integrity and wholeness in their lives. As an ICF-certified coach, I specialize in utilizing inquiry-based coaching techniques to assist clients in aligning their actions with their values and true selves.
One of my earliest clients, Michael, came to me disappointed in his results, and he was feeling stuck and unable to seize opportunities. Through coaching, he was able to land his dream job, improve his relationship with his partner, and even purchase a home. All of these accomplishments were achieved within just one year of working together.
Michael was nice enough to do a video testimonial for me.
Coaching can help individuals tap into their own inner wisdom and desires, and support them in taking action to bring these desires to fruition. I am currently accepting a limited number of new clients, and would be happy to have a no-risk conversation with anyone interested in exploring how coaching can help them achieve their goals.
