How to Get Better Quality Feedback

When you aren’t getting what you need, create it.

When clients tell me they don’t get enough feedback, their concerns tend to fall into two camps. Either the feedback they receive is…

• vague, confusing, and/or mostly negative, or
• overwhelmingly positive. Nice, but unhelpful for anyone who wants to grow.

I so appreciate anyone who wants better feedback. If this is the case you find yourself in, you can definitely take steps to get not just better appreciative feedback, but better quality, actionable, constructive feedback as well.

If you are in the first camp, having received vague, confusing, and/or mostly negative feedback, you can restore balance by seeking out and focusing on positives. And you can do this without seeming like you are “fishing for compliments.” Compliments won’t help you. What you need is to know what you are doing that’s good or right, and why it is working. Here’s one great tactic for accomplishing that–

Create your own Five-To-One Experience

Most scientists agree that a five-to-one ratio is what we need in order to feel like things are going well: five positive messages for every negative message. So, for instance, in a marriage, a negative message (like a snarky comment) from one spouse to the other can easily be overcome if it’s is outweighed by five different positive messages (like comments that are loving, appreciative, and supportive).

At work, if you receive some negative feedback, it is going to be okay if it is outweighed by five different positive experiences.

You can create this five-to-one ratio for yourself and take charge of your experience. Here’s how:

Every time you receive any positive feedback, whether it’s on projects that you did, something you turned in, verbal praise, thank you card, or even anything that makes you smile, capture it in some way.

Print it out, write it down, and stick it in your “Positives” file. It can be paper or electronic, but the important thing is this is something you do for yourself.

Take time and action: stop and savor your positive experiences so that you can outweigh those negative experiences.

2. Conduct an Informal 360

If you are hungry for specific feedback and tangible ideas for how to improve, you may have to improve your questions and expand the people you ask. In this way you can direct someone’s attention to the specific areas where you most want feedback and ideas for improvement.

I once worked with a CEO who was receiving both extremely positive feedback and extremely negative feedback about her job performance. These were each coming from different people, and she didn’t know how she could deserve both.

We decided to do a formal 360-feedback process. I called ten different people and talked to each about their experience with the CEO. I even asked the same questions of the CEO, and collated it all into a simple report for her so she could see the feedback from others in the context of how she saw herself.  She finally saw the clear patterns.

If you are hungry for feedback, you can conduct your own, informal 360. Write up some open-ended questions about what you’ve been working on and what you want feedback about. Ask what you are doing well and where you can improve. Try not to be defensive when you receive negative feedback, but just write everything down and thank your feedback givers for taking the risk of being honest with you. You might also consider working with a coach to go through this process if you feel defensiveness could get in the way.

Bottom Line

If you find yourself hungry for feedback and aren’t getting what you need, these two strategies can help:

1. Grab every piece of formal and informal positive feedback you do receive and keep it in a “Positive” file. Review this whenever you’ve gotten too much negative feedback.
2. Ask 5-10 people to tell you what you are doing well and where you can improve. Ask questions that are both open (can’t be answered with “yes” or “no”) and specific (narrows the topic well so they know what you want feedback about).

Through it all, remember you are the only one who can manage your emotions. Keep breathing, remember that you are valuable based only on the fact that you are human, and don’t expect anybody to be perfect–including you.

Seeking feedback is valuable because it helps you to know how you are actually coming across to others, and that helps you to calibrate the messages you are sending. The important result is that people will see and hear from you want you intend for them to see and hear. When you get feedback, you’ll know what they are getting so you’ll know what adjustments to make.

If you’re interested in exploring how coaching might support you in achieving your goals, you can start a no-risk conversation with me. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.