Once a month, I set my email auto-responder to this:
Hello! I am taking my monthly device-free day and won’t be on email, social media, or even the phone. I’ll get back to you on Monday, hopefully with an even greater sense of equilibrium. If you must reach me, my husband has his phone:.
Hi, I’m Amy Kay Watson, and I’m a Master Certified Coach. And like many of the high-performing leaders I coach, I’ve had to confront my unhealthy relationship with technology.
I really wish I could say it was a healthy, moderate relationship. But when I’d lie in bed past my bedtime swiping on a screen, or couldn’t sit at a traffic light without chasing down some piece of trivia, I had to admit it: I was addicted.
This isn’t just a personal confession; it’s one of the most common challenges I see in my leadership coaching practice. We all know we’re in an unhealthy relationship with our devices, but we’ve also built our entire professional worlds around them. They serve as our alarm clock, news source, calendar, communicator, and office.
The expectation to be “always on” has become a toxic symptom of modern leadership. But what if that’s not leadership at all? What if it’s just a habit that’s draining our ability to do the one thing we’re paid to do: think clearly and be present?
The “Always-On” Leader: When Your Brain Turns to Spaghetti
I was fine with my electronics use for years. But then I started noticing the side effects. Images from my phone would hang and dance in my mind through the night. Then, in 2018, I had to prepare a talk that was completely inside my wheelhouse—and it was horrendously difficult. My brain felt like spaghetti.
This “spaghetti brain” is what I now recognize as a classic case of cognitive overload. As leaders, our primary value comes from our ability to think strategically, manage our emotions, and be fully present with our teams. But constant context-switching—jumping from an email to a Slack ping to a budget review—creates what scientists call “attention residue.”
Even after you switch tasks, part of your brain is still thinking about the last thing you were doing. You’re never fully focused. This is the science behind that “spaghetti” feeling. It fragments your attention, drains your executive function, and directly erodes your leadership presence. You can’t lead with empathy or accountability when you’re not really there.
My Experiment: From Digital Fog to Leadership Clarity
I decided to experiment with a device-free day. I put a reminder on my computers, hid my phone, and made plans with my husband to go out for breakfast and read a paper newspaper.
It was… hard.
In the afternoon, I was going out of my skin with boredom. We went to the library, and I checked out a book using the self-serve kiosk by habit. At the grocery store, I realized I couldn’t use “self-serve” without a screen!
Already, I was learning to practice self-forgiveness. This wasn’t about perfection; it was about practice. I wasn’t failing; I was collecting data. Building on that experience, I made it a monthly ritual.
This small, repeated act of setting a boundary wasn’t just about “relaxing.” It was about proving to myself that I was in charge of my attention, not my inbox. It was the first step in reclaiming my agency.
How to Plan Your First Device-Free Day: A 5-Step Guide
My personal practice is built on a simple framework, not arbitrary rules. The goal is to lower the barrier to entry and make the day a success.
Set Clear “Rules of Engagement” My benchmark is the “mid-20th century.” This is a simple, sticky rule that helps me decide. I can listen to an actual radio in the car (allowed) but not a podcast (not allowed). I can read a paper book, not an e-book. This isn’t about being a luddite; it’s about choosing technologies that don’t actively hijack your brain’s reward chemicals.
Plan Your “Analog” Life You don’t realize how much you depend on your phone until it’s gone. How will you wake up? (I dug out an old alarm clock). How will you navigate? (I’ve actually used a paper map!). What will you do? I keep reference books on hand—a dictionary, an encyclopedia, a bird identification book—for when the “I wonder” urge strikes.
Manage Expectations (The Empathy Part) Communicate your plan clearly. This is an act of empathy for others and yourself. I turn on my vacation responder with an emergency contact (see the intro). I also text key people the day before to let them know I’ll be “dark.” This prevents you from worrying about what others think and prevents them from worrying when you don’t respond.
Create a Single Emergency Channel People’s first objection is, “What about emergencies?” My husband carries his phone on my device-free days. That’s it. That’s the one channel. By creating a single, known emergency contact, you give yourself permission to let go of the rest.
Practice Self-Compassion The first time you try this, just see how long you can hold out. Notice what breaks the streak. Was it a habit (like the self-checkout kiosk)? Was it boredom? Was it anxiety? Don’t judge it. Just notice it. That data is the entire point of the exercise.
This Isn’t a Detox; It’s a Boundary Practice
In my coaching work with leaders, this entire process falls under the theme of Burnout, Boundaries, and Agency.
We aren’t just addicted to the device; we’re addicted to the dopamine of responsiveness. We’ve been conditioned to believe that being a “good” leader means being “always available.” This is a lie. It’s the symptom of a culture that has mistaken “doer” mode for leadership.
This is why we’re seeing an epidemic of leaders who are exhausted, stuck, and unable to think strategically. They’re so busy rescuing their teams from moment-to-moment problems that they never have the space to lead them toward a long-term vision.
The modern lie is, “Pics or it didn’t happen.” We’ve started to believe that if we aren’t performing our lives online, they aren’t real. The leadership equivalent is “Responded or it isn’t being handled.” As Nancy Colier writes in The Power of Off:
“There used to be a developmental stage in life… when we shifted our focus from the outside to the inside… we stopped defining ourselves by what others thought of us and became more interested in what we thought of ourselves and the world. This stage could be called ‘growing up.’ …Now, the question ‘Do I like myself?’ has been replaced by ‘Am I liked?'”
A device-free day is a powerful, practical way to start asking, “What do I think?” It’s how you shift your focus from the outside-in to the inside-out.
Your System for Empathetic Accountability
A device-free day is a powerful personal boundary. It’s an intervention you can use to move from burnout toward clarity.
But what about your team? Is “always on” the default culture in your organization? Are your managers stuck in “doer” mode, rescuing their teams instead of leading them?
This is where my work begins.
A personal detox can’t fix a systemic problem. Real, sustainable change requires building a new operating system for your organization—one rooted in empathetic accountability.
I partner with mission-driven organizations to install that system. We move beyond one-off workshops to build the shared vocabulary and practical skills your managers need to:
Set Clear Expectations so accountability is consistent and kind.
Give Feedback as a Tool for Growth, not as a punitive measure.
Hold Healthy Boundaries to stop burnout before it starts.
Lead Through Change with presence and stability.
If you’re ready to move from addressing individual burnout to building a resilient, high-performing, and compassionate culture, let’s explore how we can work together.
Let's Schedule a Conversation