Forget “New Year, New Me.” You don’t need a new identity; you need a more reliable way to navigate the pressure you’re already under.
The start of the year may inspire in leaders a wave of promises to be more present, more firm, or more in-tune with the team. Whether your reset button is January 1, a retreat, or a great podcast, intentions usually evaporate the moment a mission-critical deadline is missed or a high-stakes project goes sideways.
In my work with technical and mission-driven leaders, I’ve found that the real challenge isn’t a lack of will. It’s that under pressure, our Nervous System Activation takes the wheel. When expectations are thwarted, we we react in our old, comfortable ways.
The Impulse to Over-Correct
When we feel the ground shifting, it is human nature to try to regain control quickly. Our “default programming” (the internal logic shaped by our history and professional training) often pulls us toward specific reactive patterns. While these impulses vary, they usually represent an attempt to resolve the Accountability-Support Tension by over-indexing in one direction.
You might recognize your own response in some of these common patterns:
- The Impulse to Rescue (Over-functioning): When a team member struggles, we step in to handle the conflict or do the work ourselves. We think we’re being supportive, but we’re actually removing the opportunities for mastery that the team needs to build their own capacity.
- The Impulse to Enforce (Outcome-Rigidity): The fear of losing results can lead us to lean too hard into control. We prioritize standards but lose sight of the Systemic Supports, like Fairness or Clarity, that would actually make those results achievable.
- The Impulse to Harmonize (Over-accommodation): We focus so much on maintaining good vibes or being liked that we avoid firm boundaries. We hope that by being the good leader, the team will naturally perform, often sacrificing clarity for temporary comfort.
- The Impulse to Withdraw (Avoidance): Sometimes the tension feels so high-stakes that we pull back entirely. We may wait for the right time to speak up or hope the situation resolves itself, which creates a vacuum of leadership that further depletes team stability.
- The Impulse to Intellectualize (The Fortress): We retreat into data, policies, and logic to avoid the messy, emotional reality of a team under strain. We stay in our heads to avoid feeling the felt risk of the conversation.
The Cost of Reactivity
I know this tension intimately. My own journey (from ministry to retail management to corporate facilitation) was a long lesson in learning that you can’t “nice” your way out of a capacity problem, nor can you “demand” your way into a healthy culture.
When we operate from these reactive places, we experience what I call Physiological Leakage. You might think you’re maintaining a calm professional veneer, but your team is reading the underlying frustration or anxiety in your non-verbal cues. This isn’t just a personal stress issue; it’s an organizational one. It directly depletes the Psychological Safety your team needs to solve complex problems.
The Shift: Leading by Design
I’ve often said that you don’t have to choose between being empathic and being accountable. These aren’t opposing forces; they are the two variables you are constantly designing for.
When you adopt an Architect’s Perspective, you stop reacting to the individual skid and start looking at the road conditions. You move from “The One Who Fixes” to “The One Who Leads by Design.”
This means:
- Regulating the Stress Response: Managing your own internal state so you can lead with clarity rather than reactivity.
- Diagnosing the System: Using a Support Systems Audit to see if the problem is really a personality clash or a lack of Clarity, Agency, or Fairness that can be solved.
- Restoring Agency: Using the V.C.N. Protocol to hold the standard while ensuring the team has the supports they need to meet it.
Finding Your Footing
I’ll be sharing more about how to operationalize this perspective in my next piece. But if you’re currently feeling the weight of the Accountability-Support Tension, let’s find a better way forward.
I’m opening a few slots for brief capacity-mapping sessions this month. We’ll look at where your team’s capacity is being strained and identify the specific systemic supports you can design back into your workflow. Would you like to find a time to talk?
