“My disease is terminal. I know that.”
These startling words came from a friend of mine—an amazing person who has inspired many with his positivity and love. He wasn’t saying it with despair; he was saying it with a jarring, crystal-clear matter-of-factness.
When he spoke those words, I realized something profound was happening to his decision-making architecture. He was no longer sweating the small stuff. The petty grievances, the superficial networking, the “obligations” that clutter our calendars—they all evaporated. He was focusing entirely on what mattered: deep connection, love, and meaning.
As a theologian by training, I recognized this as a spiritual truth: there is wisdom in “numbering our days.” But as a leadership coach, I also recognize this as a psychological phenomenon—one that every leader needs to understand if they want to escape the trap of chronic overwhelm.
The Science of the Ticking Clock
We often assume that wisdom comes from age. But research suggests it actually comes from our perception of time.
Dr. Laura Carstensen, a psychology professor at Stanford, developed Socioemotional Selectivity Theory (SST) to explain how our goals change based on how much time we feel we have left.
When time feels open-ended (Infinite Time Horizon): We focus on Knowledge Acquisition and Future Expansion. We endure bad networking events, we tolerate toxic colleagues because we “might need them later,” and we hoard information. We maximize for the future.
When time feels limited (Finite Time Horizon): We focus on Emotional Regulation and Meaning. We prioritize deep relationships over new contacts. We filter out the noise. We maximize for the present meaning.
My friend was living in a Finite Time Horizon. He had naturally pivoted to the essentials.
The problem for most leaders? We manage like we are going to live forever.
The Trap of “Infinite Time” Leadership
In the corporate world, we operate under the illusion of the Infinite Time Horizon. We tell ourselves we have time to fix that broken culture next quarter. We accept a packed calendar of low-value meetings because we don’t want to miss out on potential future opportunities. We delay difficult, meaningful conversations with our direct reports because “we’ll get to it in the performance review.”
This illusion creates a bloated, distracted leadership style. We become “busy,” but we aren’t effective. We are acquiring, but we aren’t deepening.
How to Lead Like Your Tenure is Terminal
You don’t need a diagnosis to harness the power of a Finite Time Horizon. You just need to shift your perspective.
What if you led as if your time in this role was strictly limited? What if you assumed you only had six months left to make an impact? According to the science of SST, three shifts would happen immediately:
1. Radical Subtraction (The “No” becomes automatic) When my friend realized his time was short, saying “no” to things that didn’t matter wasn’t a struggle; it was a reflex.
The Shift: Look at your calendar for next week. If you were leaving this role in 30 days, which of these meetings would you cancel immediately? That is your “noise.” Start pruning it now.
2. From Transactional to Relational In an open-ended horizon, we treat people as contacts to be managed. In a limited horizon, we treat people as partners to be cherished.
The Shift: Stop having generic “status updates.” Use your 1:1s to talk about real development, real barriers, and real goals. Connect with the human across the table. As I often tell my clients: Efficiency is for spreadsheets; effectiveness is for people.
3. Savoring the “Wins” High-achievers are often so focused on the next goal that they never metabolize the current success.
The Shift: Finite time forces us to savor. When your team hits a milestone, don’t just rush to the next slide. Pause. Acknowledge it. Let the dopamine hit. This isn’t just “nice”—it builds the psychological capital your team needs for the next sprint.
The Spiritual Bottom Line
My friend’s clarity didn’t come from a strategy document. It came from confronting the truth that time is a non-renewable resource.
You have a “terminal diagnosis” in your role—whether it’s one year, five years, or ten. You will not be in this seat forever. The question is: Are you filling that time with the busyness of the infinite, or the meaning of the finite?
Don’t wait for a crisis to clear your vision. Number your days, prune the noise, and lead the things that actually matter.
