When you hit your busy season, how do you stay healthy? How do you make sure you’re ready to go when the time comes? If you aren’t paying attention and following through with a few basic disciplines, you could wind up driving yourself into the ground–even when you think you’re taking time to relax.
If you have been feeling exhausted or like it’s time for a 3-year vacation, it’s time to take stock and start building a life for yourself that you can actually live instead of the one that’s grinding you down every day.
Practice self-compassion.
I have noticed that, when I am feeling my most frazzled, I can often trace it back to self-criticism more than just being busy. The problem is, the busier I am, the more my self-criticisms pile up. I compare myself to others and to the unreal perfect performance I seek from myself.
Pioneering self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff suggests taking frequent self–compassion breaks. Self-compassion is not the same thing as self-pity or self-esteem, and it’s being proven to offer immediate and lasting benefits.
Here is one concrete way to take a self-compassion break:
- First, simply pause and breathe deeply for a few moments to calm your thinking,
- Then intentionally change the way you talk to yourself.
- Acknowledge mindfully that you are experiencing suffering. You might say to yourself, “Wow, this is really hard.”
- Remind yourself that suffering is a part of life and that we all struggle. You might say to yourself, “We grow up and develop skills because life is hard sometimes, sometimes harder than other times. This hurts, but it’s a part of life.”
- Seek to speak to yourself in ways that express kindness and gentle caring. For instance, imagine your closest friend or a child you love dearly is experiencing the same kind of suffering. What would you say to them? Perhaps something like, “Oh, that sucks! I’m so sorry. How can I help?”
Learn to say no.
Saying no strategically means paying attention to what energizes you and saying yes to those things. When your energy dips, that’s a signal. Maybe that’s a task you need to delegate. Pay attention to your energy. Learn to say no. For instance, you might tell someone, “I want to be able to help you, but I’m worn out. Could we talk about it tomorrow?” or “I’ve made a rule for myself that I’m only going to take on projects where I know I can make a positive difference, and I don’t believe that’s going to be the case with your project. However, I have an acquaintance who is very talented in that area. Could I introduce you?”
Focus on activity that pays you back.
Some people call these activities “high return on investment.” They’re things like strategic planning, creative hobbies, professional development, sleep, exercise, and relationships.
Often, when we are depleted, it’s because all of our energy has been invested in activities with little or no return, such as managing conflict, answering email, or attending poorly designed / planned meetings.
Planning takes time, and it helps to ensure you get something for the time you’re investing. One of the most important ways to focus on activity that pays you back is to intentionally create opportunities for your own learning.
For instance, you might make an appointment on your own calendar to spend 15 minutes at the end of each day creating a prioritized task list for the next day. Then, each Friday take 45 minutes to review what did or did not go well in the last week, adjustments you need to make in your own approach, and your priorities for the coming week. Finally, you might ensure you have at least 90 minutes every weekend when you’ll connect with friends or family without screens or devices.
Recognize when comfort has become numbing.
We’re surrounded by easy entertainment. Streaming video, social media, snack food, and cell-phone games. And while I can’t think of any reason any of those could be considered bad in and of themselves, we can lean on them too much.
Shame researcher Brené Brown has illustrated this with chocolate truffles. One truffle is comforting. Ten truffles is numbing.
Too often we numb ourselves with entertainments that are comforting for about a minute. And it’s tempting to swear it all off, but unless we’re going to join the Amish community (which believe me is tempting some days!), they’re going to be part of our world.
What can you do? Pay closer attention to how you feel from the moment you begin an activity to how you feel 10, 20, or 30 minutes later.
Most of us experience comfort or joy with the first engagement (the first 5 minutes of Facebook; the first TV show, the first bite of comfort food). From there, it’s diminishing returns.
When you notice how long it takes for you to start experiencing the diminishing returns, you’ll know how long to enjoy the activity and when to quit.
What’s a risk you’ve been holding yourself back from? What would it mean for you to invest in yourself–in your own learning–instead of numbing? How can you be kinder to yourself today?
You can start a no-risk conversation with me if you’re interested in exploring how coaching might support you in achieving your goals. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
