The pace of technological development, healthcare crisis, and economic volatility have forever altered the way we relate to work and home life. It’s a whole new business, a whole new family.
Can you recognize where you are? See if you can focus on just ONE way that your life is changing…
- Do you see yourself on the cusp of a new beginning?
- What place does doubting yourself have in your life?
- Are you diving into despair or climbing your way out?
- Are you cresting the wave of expertise or ready to begin again?
Making a change isn’t just about taking a step and arriving in another world. There isn’t a straight path to a new way of being. We are wired to resist change, and yet changes are constant. (It’s no wonder you’re stressed!)
The new directions you are taking are circular and moving. You are changing directions constantly, and it takes more than a hiking guide to navigate this path. It requires an architect (and maybe a quantum physicist…)
This is a model I use with my clients when we talk about phases we all go through with big change.
In this image — a star with five points — you see a cycle depicted. We go around and around this star in a cyclical dance through change. Some of the points can be painful as we go around.
Let’s take a quick tour.
Oftentimes, changes begin on the right in the yellow, full of optimism and excitement. Once you begin, however, you start to move. Things go down from there — both literally and metaphorically. The work gets harder (as you know), and you can start to feel like you are actually going backwards before you start to pull yourself out of the hole and feel forward momentum again. This is how we go around, again and again. Each time around the circle, from star-point to star-point.
“There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”
Morpheus, The Matrix
Each point on the star calls for a change of focus, a change of pace:
- Ready to Rock! Here you are new, feeling hopeful and creative. This is a place where you are ready to rock. You are excited about all of the new possibilities, all of the new opportunities. Your energy helps you to overcome challenges, and because you know you are new to this, you’re at your most open to learning here. I remember the day I helped an entire call center pack up all of its customer service agents, sending them home with their computers so they could work remotely. (We thought it was going to be a few weeks!) It was difficult and traumatic in many ways, but I also felt excited that we were doing something big, together! I felt needed and useful, and it was hard physical labor. By the end of the day I was an exhausted, happy puppy.
- Re-Evaluating. Reality sets in. Things start to show up. Maybe you hit some roadblocks. Here you might get frustrated. It’s harder, more frustrating than you expected. This is the point where you are doubting whether it was a good decision to start this process in the first place. Should you have taken the job? Should you have accepted the promotion? Maybe getting married was a mistake. Maybe this diet isn’t a good fit for you. Maybe you just aren’t ready for exercise. After we packed up the call center, we started to discover how difficult it was going to be to work from home. My chairs at home were not built to sit in for 8 hours a day. My husband and cats did not understand this “boundaries” concept.
- Re-Deciding. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Here you may feel overwhelmed by the difficulties. You aren’t feeling it, but in the background you are developing your skills. You can’t yet see the fruits of your labor, so it’s deeply frustrating. This is probably the most dangerous stage as you travel the circle. Here, you will make your final decision: Will you do the work? Or do the walk? As a corporate trainer, I’d been accustomed to offering live, in-person trainings. And while I also had experience with virtual meetings, it just wasn’t feasible to expect people to spend several days in virtual training. The value I felt I could provide started getting thin… and when the company told me they were eliminating my position because of the pandemic, I actually welcomed the news. I was ready to walk. I started back at the Yellow point on the star and recommitted to building my business.
- Re-Committing. This next stage is exclusively the territory of those who choose to do the work. You invest your sweat, time, and spirit into making this work. You leave behind the fantasies of going somewhere else, and you double down on building your skill base. You open up to learning again. Your performance is inconsistent, but you see value in feedback. I visit this star often when it comes to my business, and it’s a place where I rely on my coaches in a big way. I’m passionate about the work, but it can be discouraging.
- Re-Creating. Finally, you make that shift from the inconsistent performance into finally getting to point number five, the blue point on the star where you are confident and you’re capable and you’re committed. Your openness to feedback got you here, and now you’re experienced. You’re relaxed. You know what you’re doing, and you can share your knowledge with others. You’re one of the most valuable and trusted members of the team because of your independence. I felt myself arrive here when I finally offered my True Impact Leadership program, a signature offering that I’ve been developing for decades. But of course–as soon as it launched, I found myself back in the yellow point of the star…
Amidst all this movement, there can be a center place of calm and stillness. It is here that you can see things as they really are. It is here that you know who you are. It is only from here that you can make a good decision on purpose.
This is your core. All the while, when you are going through these different stages, there are ups and downs, difficult and easy or even crazy. If you aren’t centered in your Core, you’ll be be pulled in different directions. You will be doing, but not leading.
In the eye of a hurricane is an eerie calm. At your own core is a calm you never would have expected.
Not just calm, but curiosity, compassion, courage, confidence, clarity, creativity, and connection.
You must continuously return to that core if you are to survive the difficulties and keep your head, if you are to make high-quality decisions at each point on the star.
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road can take you there.”
– The Cheshire Cat, Alice in Wonderland
So where are you? Are you connecting into your core to find your balance? Or are you falling down the rabbit hole?
You can start a no-risk conversation with me if you’re interested in exploring how coaching might support you in achieving your goals. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
