My first love was books. I frequently make use of books in my coaching practice, knowing how powerful their wisdom and knowledge will be. I’ve listed here some of my top recommendations for personal growth and professional development.
Before you start trying to change yourself
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
One thing I’ve learned from coaching people at all levels of society and hierarchical leadership is that we North Americans are very hard on ourselves. We focus almost exclusively on what we haven’t achieved, haven’t earned, haven’t won, haven’t completed. Even when we actually succeed, we see the success as incomplete, unreal, or invalid.
Thinking like this keeps us from growing and improving.
Dr. Neff pioneered the self-compassion movement at a time when mindfulness was just beginning to take off in western consciousness, and this is her groundbreaking work on the subject. As you read, bookmark exercises that you believe will be useful for you and try them. If you’ve already read the book, crack it back open and skim it again for new insights.
Your Brain at Work by David Rock
Would you buy a computer and never learn how to use it? If you did such a thing, who would be surprised by your frustration that the computer wasn’t doing what you wanted it to do? Probably only you.
We humans have a similar relationship with our brains. Your brain is one of the most powerful computing instruments on the planet, and yet most humans who have a brain have no idea how it works. This information wasn’t always available to us, but we have access now to volumes of information. David Rock’s book Your Brain at Work will offer you an introduction to why your brain does what it does. He’ll show you what you are doing–and can do–to change your brain.
Since most of us are pretty worn out and need energy for this stuff
The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz
Before you read this book, go take the authors’ Free Energy Profile and email the results to yourself. Your results of this simple, free assessment will help you identify where your energy is ‘leaking,’ and then the book will help you create new strategies for developing the energy support you need. This one was life-changing for me, and much of what I still do is inspired by the practices outlined in this book. It is grounded in cognitive-behavioral techniques and will help you to have and invest the energy you need to make the impact you want to make.
Not so much for men, but with ’bout everything you need
Playing Big by Tara Mohr
Women in North America have so many more opportunities than we’ve had in the past, and yet as Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In helped us understand, it’s far from a level playing field. Beyond a double standard, our society has deeply embedded implicit biases that lurk under the radar and influence how we respond to each other, causing people at every part of the gender spectrum to hold women-identified people back from playing big. What’s worse, we aren’t even loyal to ourselves, and we hold ourselves back. Tara Mohr’s book explores with empathy and compassion what holds women back and offers concrete practices and tactics for stepping beyond the barriers we’ve constructed.
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown
We hold ourselves back from true effectiveness by listening to inner voices that criticise and drive. Brown’s second book dives deep into the habits we build around ourselves as a shield against feeling the pain of imperfection. It is only when we embrace our imperfections that we recognize our true value.
For managers and leaders
Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute
Most of us perceive problems as someone else’s fault. We seem to be wired to blame others. And yet, logically we can’t all be innocent and surrounded by the real problem-makers! This book takes an amazingly effective approach to helping us see ourselves accurately and acknowledge our personal accountability.
Radical Candor by Kim Scott
The author of this book climbed the ranks at Google before moving to Apple, where she started teaching a class to train new & tenured managers on how to communicate with their direct reports. Radical candor is the sweet spot between “obnoxiously aggression” and “ruinous empathy.” It’s about embodying personal care and direct challenge, delivered to grow relationships, produce better results, and help employees achieve.
(Pro tip: Kim Scott has a Radical Candor podcast where she teaches many of the same ideas (and more). If you’re into podcasts, start at the beginning of the Radical Candor catalogue. There’s gold here.)
Leadership on the Line by Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky
Occasionally when leaders have trusted me to head up an initiative, they’ve given me a steady look and informed me that their leadership is on the line. (Their job was on the line.) My success would be theirs. My failure would be theirs.
Since then, I’ve had many leaders acknowledge to me that they have a frequent choice to make: Doing what they believe is truly the right thing to do versus doing what won’t get them fired or ostracized.
The authors offer practical advice that addresses the question, “How can you lead and stay alive?” They offer a variety of answers – none of which are easy. Some solutions stem from your ability to analyze a situation and understand the issues, stakes, and pace of change appropriate for the people around you. Some answers lie in creating strategic holding environments for conflicts. Others emerge from your tactical ability to respond quickly to changing situations, work avoidance patterns, and deviations from the plan. And, some answers can be found in the strength of your personal life—your relationships and practices of renewal.
This one won’t necessarily be easy to read. Folks with memories of the global and US political (and sports) issues of the 60s, 70s, and 80s will “get” the examples most readily. The authors, who are white/Jewish men of the elite academy, discuss what went right and wrong with advancements in civil rights, issues it might not always feel like they have much right to comment upon. Try not to let that distract you from the great suggestions here. For that reason and because of the importance of the content, I do NOT recommend the audiobook. This is one to have on paper.
For anyone struggling to communicate
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
This book has had tremendous impact on my life, leadership, and relationships of all kinds. The skill set that is taught in its pages impacts every part of life, both internal and external.
Like meditation, the practice of nonviolent communication is simple, and yet has such great depths that you can spend the rest of your life practicing and learning in order to reap even greater rewards.
Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
I first read this book many years ago, and it transformed my relationships. Practically everything that I work on with my clients shows up in this book. This book describes and expands on a wide variety of tools and practices and organizes them into a coherent framework.
I believe reading this book will help you to get a sense for the big picture even as it offers you wonderful examples and insights for how to put it all into practice every day, with every conversation, in every part of your life.
Looking for a planner? This is the one.
The Productivity Planner by Intelligent Change
The Productivity Planner is a daily planner that helps you organize your day by keeping you focused on your most important tasks. With it, you work in shorter, focused bursts called Pomodoros that will make sure you are not diluting your energy or worse, wasting your time. This planner combines all the productivity science into a regular daily and weekly routine. It is elegant and effective.
