If you’re a successful, driven professional, you might know the feeling. You’ve climbed the ladder and built a life that looks right on paper. But internally, you feel stuck, frustrated, or bored. You find yourself wondering, “Is this all there is?”
When my clients feel this way, their first instinct is often to find out what’s “wrong” with them. They ask, “Should I take a personality test? An assessment? A 360?”
My answer is always the same: An assessment is a powerful tool, but most people use it backward. They’re looking for a report card when what they really need is a mirror.
The Mistake: Confusing a Mirror with a Report Card
In my coaching practice, I see two distinct types of essential assessments. The #1 reason smart people stay stuck is confusing them (or using one to do the other’s job).
- “Report Cards” (Behavioral/Competency Tools): These are essential for measuring impact and skill. Tools like a 360-degree review or a competency model are designed to measure you against a defined standard of effectiveness. They are critical for answering the question, “How am I doing?“
- “Mirrors” (Personality Tools): These tools measure your stable tendencies and style. A scientifically-backed “mirror,” like one based on the Five-Factor Model (the “Big Five”), doesn’t grade you. It reveals your core operating system. It’s essential for answering the question, “Why do I do what I do?“
The problem arises when we use a “Report Card” to answer a “Mirror” question. A leader gets a tough 360 review (a “Report Card” score) and concludes, “I’m just not cut out for this” (a “Mirror” identity crisis).
When you feel stuck, you don’t need another report card telling you where you’re failing. You need a “Mirror” to understand your core self, and then a coach to help you connect the Mirror to the Report Card.
For leaders on the edge of burnout, stop seeking a report card. You don’t need another grade. You need an accurate mirror. Related Article: Empathetic Accountability Done Right Prevents Leader Burnout
Why a Mirror Matters: The Science of “Fit”
The problem usually isn’t you. It’s your fit.
In organizational psychology, a foundational concept is Person-Environment Fit. It describes the alignment between your characteristics and the demands of your job. When your role and your innate personality are aligned, you feel energized and effective (“in the zone”). When they’re mismatched, you feel like you’re failing, even if you’re working harder than everyone else.
I saw this with my client, Alice. She was brilliant and highly “Agreeable” (a core personality trait)—a natural collaborator who could make anyone feel valued. She took a highly administrative role where her performance was judged only on solitary, task-oriented productivity goals. She “failed” in that role and concluded she was “washed up.”
She wasn’t. The “report card” of her performance review said “F,” but the “mirror” of her personality profile showed she was a 10/10 in a 2/10 role. Her environment was the problem, not her. We found a way to realign her work so instead she could manage cross-functional teams, where she is thriving. Related Article: Career Journaling Prompts For When You Need Clarity
Data Is Just Data. The Magic Is in the Meaning.
A “mirror” assessment is just the starting point. The data is useless until you connect it to your real-life experience.
My client “Fred saw his assessment results and was upset. The “mirror” showed he was very high in Conscientiousness (principled, dutiful) but very low in Agreeableness (challenging, skeptical).
“My family says I’m a ‘pain in the ass,'” he said, “because I’m so unyielding when I think a line has been crossed. This just proves I’m difficult.”
The “report card” from his family said he was difficult. The “mirror” from the assessment said he was principled. Both were true.
Our coaching wasn’t about “fixing” his low Agreeableness. It was about self-awareness. He learned to see this combination as his leadership “signature”:
- Empathy for Self: “This principled, ‘lines-matter’ part of me is a core strength. It’s why I deliver high-quality work.”
- Accountability for Impact: “My delivery of that principle, however, is damaging trust with people who are more cooperative.”
The assessment didn’t teach him that. The mirror, combined with coaching, helped him learn to manage his signature, to hold his principles while practicing the behavioral skill of communicating with more empathy. Related Article: The Self-Aware Leader: Mastering Empathy & Accountability
This Isn’t Just About You. It’s How You Lead
This “Mirror vs. Report Card” framework is also the key to unlocking performance in others.
Think about a “problem employee” on your team. It’s easy to pull out a “report card”—to label them, put them on a PIP, and manage them out. It’s much harder, and more effective, to hold up a “mirror.”
I saw this with a manager who inherited a technician with a bad reputation. Instead of pulling out the “report card” (a classic Attribution Error, blaming the person), this manager shifted his hypothesis.
- Report Card Hypothesis: “This person is a problem.”
- Mirror Hypothesis: “This person is in a situation that isn’t working.”
In their 1-on-1s, he just listened. The technician, at first wary, finally said, “I just want someone to take me seriously.” The manager responded with trust, encouraging him to pursue certifications. That technician is now a go-to contributor.
The report card said “problem employee.” The mirror revealed a “highly capable person in a low-trust environment.” Related Article: Rebuild Trust After Conflict: A Practical Framework for Managers
A Practical Checklist for Using Assessments
If you’re going to invest in an assessment, use it correctly.
Related Article: An Essential Checklist for Receiving Feedback
Part 1: How to Get Accurate Results
- ✅ Be Honest. Don’t answer based on the person you wish you were or the person you think your company wants. The mirror is useless if you’re wearing a mask.
- ✅ Be Focused. Take it in one sitting, in a quiet space where you can be thoughtful.
- ✅ Don’t Overthink. Your first, intuitive answer is almost always the most accurate.
Part 2: How to Get Real-World Value
- ✅ Look for Patterns, Not Labels. Your results aren’t a life sentence. They are a clue. Where have these themes shown up in your life, both in your successes and your failures?
- ✅ Reject “Good” vs. “Bad.” Every trait has two sides. Ask: “When is this trait a ‘dialed-up’ strength?” and “When is it a ‘dialed-down’ derailer?” (Like “Fred’s” Conscientiousness).
- ✅ Get Curious About Frustration. Your frustration is a critical piece of data. Where does your “mirror” (your innate self) clash with your “report card” (the demands of your job)?
- ✅ Get a Sparring Partner. Never interpret an assessment in a vacuum. The real value comes from talking it through with a coach who can act as that mirror, ask the right questions, and help you build a bridge from “Who am I?” to “What do I do next?”
From Insight to Action
An assessment is a data point. Coaching is the process that turns that data into a new direction.
A single session can give you information, but real transformation—the kind that moves you from “stuck” to “thriving”—takes commitment. My coaching practice is built for leaders who are serious about that journey. It’s a partnership focused on lasting results, not a quick fix.
If you’re ready to do the work, let’s talk.
Schedule a Complimentary Strategy Session
We’ll spend 30 minutes mapping your ‘stuck’ points and exploring if this approach is the right fit.
